24 hours are enough!
High functioning anxiety
No one can ever deny that behind every perfect presentation, flawless project, performance or talk was a mountain of worry.
It could be a real fact, that despite the success that we’ve made and the accomplishments that we’ve achieved, the anxious voice inside of you would scrutinize. For instance, wondering about the time, steps and how much efforts I need to put? Did I have done enough today? Or haven’t done it soon enough or even more haven’t done it well enough ?
And after a bunch of non answered questions, I’ve came to realize that I’m on my way to high functioning anxiety! That prevents me from moving forward freely completly plagued with guilt. In details, I’ve lived an anxious days and nights; for the approval of people I know and people I didn’t meet yet! Yes who knows! Anyway …
I was completely overwhelmed and anxious about time in a way I was spending countless hours trying to be flawless performing at an impossible standard, high expectations and great levels. And the main core is that my own anxiety had created all these complexities.
Peopele were saying that I’m good enough to perform well and I did see that I was not, people were being proud of the result of my work and I was not.. because “ no matter how hard I worked or how proud I was of my achievements, the anxious part of my brain would scrutinize, criticize, and patronize me”.
I was completely and literally lost, I couldn’t tell anyone about my anxious part and about what I’m suffering in silent. People surrounding me think that I’m capable, oganized, hard worker, detail oriented, confident and other characteristic I don’t believe I do have. It was only about what they see not about I was feeling inside; they were seeing a strong confident woman but in real I was overnalysing everything I’ve said.
“I always say I am a realist, and my mom says, ‘No, you just have anxiety.” – Jessica Chastain
My fear of judgement and misunderstanding was too big putting me in a vague position; overthinking, overreacting, overpreparing and over and over. The only way I knew is to cover up the array of my issues struggling with a terrifying and relentless ride with many highs and even more lows…
Today I’m a better person with less stress and overthinking. I’ve came to recognize my thought and behavior patterns. Using practical skills paved the way to a better healing. It was about accepting and owning reality.
